A random date with a random septuagenarian

It is a random rainy saturday afternoon, in the outskirts of the London city. While I wait for my bus that is delayed due to rainy weather, a random septuagenarian joins with a walking trailer with a few plastic bags. Yes, London and her shops are too generous with plastic bags and packaging as much as they are generous about the talks about climate change. Now back to business, the white english septuagenarian gave me a warm smile, which I returned softly and respectfully.

The old man initiates a small talk in a traditionally British manner, starting with weather.

“The weather today is terrible, isn’t it?” (With a harmless expression)

“Yes”, replied I, without much deliberation, gazing my eyes towards the direction of the bus.

The old man politely asks me to switch to the other side where he was standing.

“Do you mind switching to the other side, dear? as you see I did not bring my umbrella”.

I obliged as I am carrying an umbrella, wearing a single layered jumpsuit, unarmed to combat the cold winds of London.

The old man takes this as an opportunity and builds the conversation…

“Are you from Sri Lanka or India?”, he asks.

No wonder the locality is full of Punjabi and Sri Lankan settlers.

“From India”, I replied not showing much interest in the conversation, turning my eyes towards the direction of the bus we are waiting for.

The elderly man is not settled with my answer and continues to build the conversation.

“Don’t you feel cold, coming from a hot weather country like India? You seem to be wearing summer clothes!?”

While I did not have enough time to shop for winter clothing while I started to the UK, I had an instinctive need to defend my choice of clothing, I responded the old man.

“I am based out of a hilly town in India, so the weather is just fine for me now”.

A long pause….. As I turn towards my right, staring at the sign board with bus numbers and routes, the old man pops another question , this time a way more personal one with unsettling curiosity looking at my hands.

“Do you have any kids?”, with some sort of expectation to learn more about me, if I am married and so on. I said a plain “No” and turn away again, and his curiosity is only making me excessively uncomfortable.

There is an older punjabi woman in her 60s, who come past us to dump the garbage bag in the trash can, the old man smiles at her, which either she did not take note of or she just ignored.

The old man furthers his conversation with me, taking no notice of the uninterested gesture I have left. ”Is that your wedding ring?” pointing to the one I am wearing on my middle finger, and he adds ”No, that is not it, isn’t it?” recognising that I am wearing it in the wrong finger.

Having guessed the answers to his own questions about me, he adds ”Do not rush into anything dear, you are one smart woman, I could say”. Sarcastically commenting on my uninterested look, he adds, ”You sure can multi-task, you keep a vigilant eye on the bus while listening to me. What do you do dear?”.

This time being a direct question, I gave him a direct answer, ”I am a software engineer, and What do you do?”.

The old man replies he is retired now and does gospel stuff. He asks “Are you a christian?”, for which I answered “I am not”, he adds ”Are you a Hindu or a Muslim?”, I responded in a word again ”Hindu”, without flattering about my disinclination towards religions.

The old man picks up a pamphlet titled, ”The gospel of John” and handed over it to me, which I initially resisted to accept but out of his compulsion, I got that and dropped it in the pouch of my backpack.

Now that the old man learns about whereabouts and profession, he introduces himself as Joseph and he has two sons who are also into technology and live in the New York and Mexico (BTW, he gave me their names, which I do not remember). “I no longer see them. They both are Millionaires and Billionaires, I am just me.”

He asks, ”Have you been to the US before?, its a nice place, especially a software technician like you should visit it sometime.”I gave a nod for an answer.

“Times have drastically changed these days, everything has gone online – from food to grocery shopping, even the clothing. I hear they have McDonald’s in the Moon and the Mars, under a large dome I suppose”, he adds. As I nod again and stare at the direction of the bus, At last, to my relief, there comes the city bus to which we boarded and I to the top deck.

I am not sure if it is chivalry, or boredom, or loneliness or even harmless flirting, the old man sure had his ways to learn more about someone in eight odd minutes, that any stranger ever have in all my life. He sure must be an interesting man in his prime. Wish you good health Joseph!

Long Distance

செவிபேசி இன்றியே,
சிணுங்கலும் முனுங்கலும்,
சிலநேரம் மௌனமும்,
சிதறாமல் செவியோடு சேராதோ?

தினம்பார்க்க தேவையில்லை,
தொலைதூர மென்றாலென்ன,
தொலைத்துவிட மனம்வருமா?
தொடுவானமது தொடும் வானமானபின்பு!

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Jet Lag(ged)

While the mobile clock says something,

wristwatch teams with brains and body,

to quarrel and deny with conviction,

The sun stays up when eyelids tire,

Hungry-tummy rings, and goes on fire,

Much-much before mealtimes arrive,

Out of fatigue, the day goes vain,

The day goes vain longing for sleep,

And nights like owls but preying for none,

only time the early bird fails to catch the worms,

from the conflict of the space-time continuum!

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Spoiled by love at the wake of the day

That is a beautiful morning, and a girl of age eleven is all set to gear up for the day at school.

Despite the chilly cold weather in the hilly town, Vanaja Amma wakes up around 6 in the morning to set up the firewood to boil water for the large joint family of 10 people. Yes, there are no geysers or water headers during that time. After finishing the Kolam in front of our four main doors, Buva Amma joins Vanaja Amma in the Kitchen around 6:30 to brew the palm jaggery coffee for the family, farmworkers and the guests. Sekar Nayna wakes up before the Sun, make his bed in the dining-cum-bedroom, sometime around 6:45 in the morning and starts to our cattle shed behind our house, where we raise our two cows and a horse. My Sounder Nayna joins Sekar Nayna at around 7:00 AM in the cattle shed for performing chores like cleaning the dung, foddering the animals and milking the cows.

Vanaja Amma and Buva Amma tries to wake me up in the intervals of 15 minutes each, but they are helpless until I hear the bass voice of Sekar Nayna after he finishes his work in the cattle shed. As soon as I hear his voice, I go into auto-pilot mode to clear up my bedding first thing as he instructed and opens the windows in our living room-cum-bedroom at 7:30 AM. I raise, flush my constipated bowels, finish brushing my teeth. My Vanaja Amma gets my perfect cup of filter coffee, I rush through the morning newspaper from the sports page to the front, My dad sets the hot water to the right temperature for my bath, My Buva Amma gets my uniforms and towel ready, While my Buva Amma feeds me dosa with red coconut chutney, Vanaja Amma plates my hair with uniform ribbons and my dad help me with my shoes and the bunny knots that stays intact until the end of the day. Yes, they spoil with so much love, and I still enjoy it.

The school van is supposed to pick me up from my stop, a 5-minute walk from my home by 8:20 AM, but I often make it late that the driver has to wait a couple of minutes for me before he accelerates, as I come running from my home hearing the unique horn. Just be mindful that it is not a luxury for every other kid who is impunctual, thanks to Sekar Nayna’s spotless political career and popularity. Looking back, I wish I am more punctual. But wait, I am right there at my stop waiting for the school van.

An uncle, who is a distant relative of me came to have a small talk about the local body elections of 2001 in which Sekar Nayna is contesting for the post of Chairman of the town panchayat. He knows my affinity for politics and wants to pull my legs. He asks me if Sekar Nayna can retain his post in the upcoming elections. For which my answer is, “With his remarkable administration skills and clean political history, he will win the election again in a huge margin”. The uncle responds, “This time we are going to win”, denoting the party he belongs to and the contestant, a relative of mine who is much closer to him. By the way, the verdict of the election is a story for another time.

முதுமை…

வழக்கங்களை

வசைபாடி குதர்க்கங்கள் பேசிநிற்க,

தலைக்கனம்

தலைக்குமேல் வெள்ளமாய் மூழ்கடிக்க,

புரையேறி

புரைஅடைத்து இளமை மூச்சடைக்க,

முதுமைமட்டும்

முதிர்வுடன் கடிகாரம் பார்த்திருக்கும்!

அசரீரி

மண்ணோடு புதைந்ததனால் வைரம்

கூழாங்கல் ஆகாது,

கண்ணோடு உறைந்தவனே உன்னை

சுயமாய் அகழ்பிறங்கி பட்டைதீட்டு,

பருந்ததன் பார்வைக்கொண்டு அதனுடன்

அதுதொடும் மேன்மைகொள்க,

சோகம் தவிர்த்திடு உயிரே

காத்திருப்பு முடிவுபெறும்,

விண்ணும் இரங்கிவரும் விண்மீனாய்

தோல்தூக்கி உயரச்செல்லும்!

Insomnia

As I stroll to nowhere,

the day gets long,

The second hand stalls,

And questions my clock,

Until after the dawn turns dusk,

Struggling for my eyelids shut,

Thoughts like a swarm of bees,

Stinging my spinning head,

From the long long day it is,

While I am still still in my bed,

Chases until the first ray returns!

Traditions

In the name of conventions,

with lost or forgotten meanings

from the times too far from relevant!

In the name of traditions,

borrowed from cultures

from the places too far from relevant!

Those are to prevail,

to save the proud heads of a few

to hold the masses chained by invisible chains!

With logic shrinking,

the questioning minds pretend sleeping

all this to preserve what, the powerful egos?

Hypocritical are the rules,

too stern for too many and far flexible for a few,

proportionally flexible, measured by their riches!

Yes, to respect the path once crossed,

But a big and very big no to all that went on toss,

No to the traditions that tame servitude!

Long long ago…

Long long ago, there was a time

The time when the word HOPE stood tall

not just in the dictionary,

but its meaning was still meaningful.

Long long ago, there was a time

The time when you had fingers to rub your tears

and embracing arms to thwart your fears

Hugs, smiles and pecks were not a luxury of the chosen few.

Long long ago, there was a time

The time when THE masks were not your body parts,

breathing air was not rationed for sick,

and the dead never had to keep a cremation schedule.

Long long ago, there was a time

The time when there were fist-fights in class over girls and boys,

But wait! fighting was never allowed,

except for the fight against viruses and crimes.

Recycle, Reduce and Reuse – DIY#1

One good thing that the COVID has taught us all is to live sustainably – to recycle, reduce and reuse. As the people took social distancing seriously, the start of the COVID lock-down has pooled the social media with all the variants of do it yourselves posts and videos right from making fancy food to home decors to what not. It is sad that pandemic has to teach us to live a sustainable and environment friendly life; to differentiate between the real essentials from luxuries; to teach the visionary corporate giants to switch to a echo-friendly, more productive, cost effective work from home model; While we are in the hopes of recovery with the vaccination drives, the COVID had other ideas, it came with variant after variant, with wave after wave moving from one part of the world to another ruthlessly. Remember, this shall also pass.

We still are the blessed ones, for we are living in this beautiful fragile blue planet, sharing it with millions of species of flora and fauna. We have been hearing a lot about global warming and drastic climate changes that could leave us with an uninhabitable planet sooner. If unattended, this is not going to by in the distant future but well within our lifespan leaving us witness drowning coastal cities and extinct species of birds and animals that are alive today. We all have our parts to play for building economic and administrative models to run our companies and the countries aligning to the goal of conserving the environment. I mentioned sustainable economic model only to remind that there is a huge economic gap created during the lockdown on various capacities starting from daily waged to the business moguls.

That being said, creating a more sustainable earth begins from within and begins with baby steps as we act responsibly, as we conserve water, as we reduce the use of air conditioners, as we prefer public transport, as we turn off the lights after use and as we consume responsibly. So, I am going to press some of my DIYs in this series of posts titled recycle, reduce and reuse to encourage myself and others to contribute towards the shared goal of creating a sustainable planet for the sake of us and our future generations.

Jumping to the fun part, the DIY. We all have those favourite pair of shoes that we love, this is an attempt to restore one such shoes. Those who are into leather goods definitively know that the leather can look new even after years with proper maintenance. But unfortunately not this time with my three year old Natualizer pumps that I love so much for the comfortable cushy leather sole that hardly bites your feet. While the exterior of the shoes look brand new even after hundreds of wears, and yet the interior is literally incorrigible. Just that untreated leather and water are like tom and jerry, a leather sole is a bad idea for a sweaty feet that is unavoidable for the weather in Chennai. To restore it to the past glory, all I needed were a pair of insoles that costed me 300 Indian rupees and a pair of scissors along with some 15 minutes of my time and patience. As every little contribution counts, I am satisfied not just with the outcome but also for taking my baby steps towards a goal of creating a sustainable earth. Let us all consume responsibly, recycle, reduce and reuse.

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DIY# – restoring my leather pumps with a pair of scissors and insoles

Write like nobody is reading- Post 12

As I pen down listening to the list of classical piano without attempting to understand the technicalities of music, leaving my refreshed thoughts to go on a stroll on the lazy Sunday morning. Yes if I am to rename Sunday as a Lazyday, I will happily do that, not that I raise up with the sun every other mornings except for Sundays. I was rolling on my bed giving a tough fight between my mind and body to get me out of it with no luck until 09:30 AM, my eyes were wide awake since 7:30 AM as the sun propagates through the screens of the window next to my bed. The previous night, I slept while listening to the narration of Kalki’s Ponniyin Selvan on YouTube, easily the only fiction series I have ever completed reading in any language so far when I was just starting to cultivate reading as a habit. The narration was bringing back the visuals in the mind and I decided to listen a little until my mind wins over my lazy body.

I made myself a cup of tea and had them along with Suji rusks. Yes I am a coffee person, and yet I have come in terms with myself to enjoy a nice cup of tea whenever I feel like. As I now understand, the unjustifiable allegiance is an unworthy cause. Going back to continue the series.

My periyappa is kind of too conventional and an orthodox practitioner of Hindu beliefs, he does not allow cooking non vegetarian food at home on the days that are termed auspicious. As I am a big fan of any meal that constitutes Fish, my cousins invited me for dinner last Thursday. If I had to call out one thing I miss the most when I am at my hometown, it is good fish – because in Chennai I will easily cook or take out fish meals every odd day of the week. My sister-in-law was telling me on a teasing tone, looks like Sharmili has gained weight, if only she stays here for few extra weeks she would end up gaining everything that she has lost over the past few years. This comment struck a bell, not that I was not noticing me gaining weight fast. There was a time I was happy when the scale was showing my current weight, but this time it alarmed me the same way I first got alerted that I should seriously work on my fitness. I made this as an excuse to boot myself up to take a return trip back to Chennai the next day evening. Yes, I reached Chennai this Saturday. Yes, it was lot of cleaning up to do in my room as i left home a couple of months ago in hurry leaving everything as is.

I wanted to get myself a short haircut as my long hair was getting unmanageable. So I booked myself a Saloon appointment at a new place out of accident. The hair cut and hair colour turned out to be a an accident as well. After all, it will grow back 🙂

As I was writing this post from my desk, my flatmate next door greeted me with a warm smile and gifted a cute little bottle of Ballantines, a 50 ml miniature Scotch that she brought for me from Chandigarh on her trip to visit her parents-in-law. What a cool gesture it is? This time it is ok that a girl friend related me with alcohol, not otherwise. I have thrown tantrums before when someone came up with a similar gesture.

So, the workcation is over and this marks the end of this series of blog posts, “Write like nobody is reading”. I wrote so much about my private and professional struggles that I had been going through and my choice of indulging in my personal life around my closest family has paved my path to recovery. Sometimes i was sounding ambiguous because, the intention of this series is to be true to my own feelings. What is more surprising is the lovely gestures of someone I vaguely know, but have inspired me in the past have followed this series and had brief interactions with me, Thank you. I just want that person to know there were times I wanted to be so fearless and confident on the stage in front of hundreds of young minds just like he stood cool and solid.

The trip has helped me to reinvent and reprioritise myself, there were several learnings and most important of which is there may be passing acquaintances who come into your life and leave you to give something profound – a life lesson(s) you can cherish. And my heart break and my temporary career set back is to tell me that I always have my family in my back, to tell me that I should not be too invested in anyone emotionally and to tell me at work there is always someone who can replace you, to tell me that you are irreplaceable for the people who value you and be grateful for all those blessings you have. To tell me, I am born to outshine and just keep working on myself.

Write like nobody is reading – Post 11

I happened to rise up with the sun today and it is especially refreshing when the morning winds are mildly chill. I walked a little in our backyard for some quick 20 minutes.Soon after he woke up, my little nephew came home remembering something I told him a couple of days ago. As he is into animals, our cow boy asked me whether I rode a horse before while he was browsing for various horse breeds in the world. I responded him briefly that I have ridden horses a few times as a child when we had one at home, and then in Kodaikanal around the lake during my college farewell trip, and once in Chennai beach – all under supervision. I also told him, I sometimes wish to join a horse riding club whenever I cross one during my commute to office, but somehow I did not make the right effort to join.

My nephew learned it is a holiday for Tamil New Year and wanted to throw me a surprise. It is easy for my nephew to make friends, and it is even more effortless for him to befriend anyone who are into animals, no matter what their age group is. My distant cousins are in the business of selling horses and they are our next door neighbours. Their stable is just next to ours only that they are always full with cows, calves, horses, country chicken and some times goats. My nephew convinced my cousins to loan their load horse for me to ride and to throw me a surprise.

I initially resisted when he brought up the idea. As we live in a small town, It is a rare sight to find women riding horses. I was wondering if people will make unpopular comments, but then my nephew encouraged me as he has arranged for me to ride the horse already and I usually do not mind the third person opinion. I decided to do it. We bucked and saddled the horse, then untied it from the stable to bring it to the street. Though I am not an animal person, I easily got acquainted with the horse and did not feel any fear when I hopped on from a raised podium for the first time in over eight years, and first time without much supervision.

I and my nephew took turns and rode the horse for about an hour to my heart’s content. When I was hopping on during one of my turn, from a grilled window slab instead of the raised podium, my nephew has moved the horse while I was still settling. I fell right from the horse back on the bare street, thankfully I was not that hurt. I told myself I should not use this as an excuse instead wanted to enjoy the moment. I managed to hope back on the horse with little bit of determination and was riding for few more minutes before we tied the horse back in the stable.

Thanks to my nephew for making my little wish come true, now I am more confident that I can do many more things, Things that I want to do but am hesitant doing.

Write like nobody is reading- Post 10

We, the human beings want to change everything around us – We want to end wars, we want a sustainable earth, we want to improve the health quotient of people around the globe, we want to improve the livelihoods of impoverished and under-privileged, we want to eradicate hate crimes, we want to cultivate values in children, we want to empower women. But the sad part is – We forget to smile at strangers, we forget to turn off the lights after use, we over consume, we have double standards about caste and class, we forget to live by the values we learn as children, we take people who love us for granted and allow people to take us for granted. We want to change everything but us. So not to worry, this is not an attempt to change the world but an attempt to look inward.

When I started the blog series, I was almost in the verge of depression – struggling with personal and professional issues. I had a virtual counselling session, with the counsellor, I could briefly discuss the issues at work, as my instinct was repeatedly warning me that my hard work, accomplishment and skills are being taken for granted by my supervisors at work. It is no rocket science, when it is appraisal season, when suddenly all the client appreciation notes are hardly acknowledged, when suddenly the requests that usually require your attention and expertise stop coming to you until it is way too late (but they still come to you just before the ship sinks), when suddenly your supervisors route the request through your own subordinates – you clearly know they are trying to make your contributions insignificant. While I forced myself to take these instinctive warnings positively, I started feeling anxious, which sometimes held my breath. Staying alone never scared me until that point, I tried to console myself , but then I felt too low very often that I had to seek the advise of a counsellor. Luckily he called them symptoms of anxiety and prescribed some breathing exercises. While it helped me to feel a little better, I still took my fear physically. I spoke about this to my mom and to a friend.

While the counsellor asked me if there is anything that is triggering this anxiety other than work, I did not disclose anything to the counsellor about my insecurities and fears in personal life for multiple reasons. First, I could not call it a relationship as it is not mutual, second, I do not want anyone to ill mouth about him, and most importantly anybody who hear my story will ask me to remove all contacts with that special person. But this person needs my support more than ever, and I am not ready to let him struggle on his own especially when its apparent that he needs my support. But after that big fight towards the last week of February, I acknowledged that I have to move forward with my life. So I decided to stick to my support system – my family, and made my trip home. This definitely has paid off big time that I feel much better and grateful now.

I made this trip reluctantly with lots of questions in mind, but now I am way too reluctant to take my return trip back to Chennai to an extend that I made a last minute cancellation. I hope I do not get too comfortable here “While the woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep” as Robert Frost said in “Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening”.